Life

So far, this has been a great year!! The Lord has been moving mightily in my life, and I am so glad it’s been a long journey!

The past 2 years haven’t been great for me. I have really struggled. I have had some major life changes, and even though the Lord still worked in my life, I was not content with where I was. I knew where I wanted to be, but didn’t know how to get there. I know I can’t get there on my own – I need Christ to take me there. I had some dark days, some really down times. Through this process I learned that you can’t do it all on your own – even though I tried really hard! Despite my blah-ness and my struggles, the Lord did give me grace and mercy! He gave me some really great times and awesome memories – He was there for me despite not being able to be there for myself.

This February my life changed. I had a good conversation with my sister, and with my parents and with the Lord. I just got everything out that I had built up. I was fed up with doing things my way. I needed the Lord to come in and take over. I was tired of my plans not working out and getting disappointed. I was tired of struggling through life. I was finally able to say out loud what I had been feeling. I kept it inside for so long because I didn’t feel I had a right to feel this way. I was ashamed. I had put up a front that everything was fine, and I didn’t want to let anyone down. Then the load became too heavy for me. I couldn’t carry it any longer. I had to listen to Scripture:

I Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you

Hebrews 4:16: Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I had to let the Lord carry my load for me. I had to come to Him with confidence and say “I need you to take control; I need you to help me”. I learned we can get through the day to day on our own, but it won’t be a good day, we will struggle through it. If we live the day with Christ as our strength, guide, and help it will be a great day. I knew that the Lord was with me and was still helping me, but I didn’t have the confidence in myself that I needed. I didn’t feel worthy of His help – I have since realized that I can’t do anything without it.

Ever since then, I have felt the grace and the mercy that comes with trusting the Lord. I feel like a different person. I am happy with my life. I love where I am at. I am embracing this season and this journey. I still trust and hope that my desires and dreams will come true, but I know that it will be in the Lord’s perfect timing. I don’t have control over life’s situations, and I am ok with that! I know that the Lord has my best interests at heart! He is going to give me a far better life than I could even dream for myself. It is freeing to give someone else control – someone you trust!

I am so thankful to my family and friends for sticking with me these past 2 years – I know it has been rough at times dealing with my massive mood drops and my down days. I know that I haven’t treated you always as I should have. You guys have helped me so much and I am so grateful that you were there.