Thoughts

Well, it's Thanksgiving weekend, and there are so many things that I am thankful for. I am thankful for my amazing family, my friends, upcoming things in my life,so glad I am not the same person that I was last year, and many many more. Among these, is that I'm thankful for my job, and that it gives paid holidays! These past three days have been really great! I have gotten so much accomplished, but most of all, I have had time to think.

I am a thinker by nature, I ponder, wonder, scrutinize, scenarioize (yes, I made that word up, means I come up with multiple scenarios for different things). Unfortunately, I do this at times that I shouldn't, like when I am with my family at dinner, or in a long car ride with the family. I go into "Ashley Land" where I shut down and go into my own world. Little things can set it off, and sometimes I ponder things of no consequence. I just start thinking and playing things in my head.

Now, let me say that this can get me into lots of trouble. Sometimes, it is great, for instance when I want to arrange furniture, or if I need to come up with a game plan. I can see things in my head and come up with about 4 different routes/ideas/suggestions for doing one task. God also teaches me a lot during these thinking moments. He reminds me of things, He puts ideas and thoughts into my head that I wouldn't have thought of. He teaches me so much about life and about myself during these trips to my own world. That is helpful, when it's not however is when insignificant things become massive and I can't stop thinking about them. There is a Friends episode that can describe what I'm talking about. There is an episode where Rachel and Ross get locked out of the apartment with Emma locked inside, and here is the scenario Ross comes up with in order to mock Rachel's nonsense.

Ross: " . . . a pigeon! No, no wait, no, no! An eagle flew in! Landed on the stove and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in it's talon. Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird - still ablaze, are locked in a death grip, swirling around the world-pool the fills the apartment!"
Rachel: "You are going to be so sorry if that is true"

I know that is hilarious, but it is also true in my head. I can go from one insignificant thing to the most obnoxious, impossible scenario. I know that it is crazy, but have a hard time convincing myself that it isn't true because I can actually picture the insane happening despite it being impossible. I can also go into deep thoughts about life, about situations, about work, and I can focus on things for hours. I can sit and think on one subject, reliving a recent encounter, remembering little details, fixating on certain things, and analyzing my responses and thinking of ways I could have responded better. This has helped from time to time, as I can learn from past mistakes, but it also can be just time wasted fixating on something that is in the past. I can't change it, so why analyze it just to drive myself crazy.

I am very thankful for my family who helps me talk through things, who bring me out of "Ashley land", who bring me down from the insane scenarios and bring me back to reality. As I said, I have learned a lot of things from the Lord during these moments, and have given me insights and revelations that I know only He could have put in my mind. I only pray that He will help me with the insane and absurd thoughts that I waste so much time on. I pray that He will help me overcome these insanities and use my time to focus on the things that He wants to teach me.